It's almost time for monthly exam! O-O

Duh. . . .___.

Isn't life past so fast? Or Maybe I am just seeing things gone rapidly. 

I never imagine how fast my second year will be. It's . . . 

I still clearly remember my first year on high school with my friends from elementary class. I still remember how Mr. Lim Yu teach our class that year. I still remember how lazy we were when the Biology lesson started. I still remember how often we sang song together. I still remember how hard for me to stop crying on the day we're apart. But... I can't really believe that that moment was already past for more than half year. . .

This upcoming exam will be the last two exam for us to face. After this monthly exam ended, we will be facing the last exam. After the last exam ended, we will have a long holiday. After the holiday ended, it will officially mark our one-year journey.

Ha ha ha. . .

The journey I'd been through with lots of new things. :'

This year. . . Maybe one of the year that I learned the most. *teoreojinda nunmuri*

I learned to be more accepting, although I also did some dissaproving. #-_-#

I learned to be more brave, through the SEALNet extracurricular I joined. 

I learned to be more active, by joining the craziness activity on my class.

I learned to be more human-like. ha ha ha

Although the second-year of my high school may be the hardest time I went through, I am not really blame or hate it. Rather, I'd like to appreciate it as wise as I could. XP

The moment I loved the most ever since I moved to a different class is ... maybe the past few months, starting from February. Because, at that time, my friends and I made a successful drama. I also went to a get-together with my new friends which was the first time ever for me. That were when Penguin and Cassiopeia's birthday party. I think that were the first time we went out together as a group. (although there's a time when Prof. Surya came to Medan and did some tutoring at Aryaduta Hotel, I didn't really think that that moment was the moment we were really together)

Lately, I heard many people saying "Life has its ups and downs".

I also notice (mode:stalker) that some of my friends face their own hardship. Whether it's about their family, their relationship, or their family. :|

It makes me think that I am not alone facing this kind of gawky life.

I felt pathetic when facing some shit and felt like the only one who suffered the most. A part of me wanted to be pitied, while the other disgusted by the pity. ._. 

I always imagine if someone appeared to slap my face, then I would be willingly gave my other side to be slapped. Maybe that would make the hell out of me. ._.

Why I said "I learned to be more human-like" just now? It's because. When I was facing one of my supposed-to-be the hardest time in my life, I felt like a bitch. 

That's was when my family torn apart. When my mom gone out of this tiring situation. When the bastard-i-called-dad fuck with other bitch. When I was left alone in this fucking house. That time. . . Honestly, I didn't really breaking down. I didn't really blubber. I didn't really feel a single sh1t. That time, I felt like inhumane. Did I have heart? Did I have attitude? Did I have conscience?

Sometimes I think. . .

If only I could buy myself a "life". Because the surrounding I was living right now, is a little bit awkward. When I came home, nobody would greeted me. Bro and Sis would be out with their own schedule. Dad would sometimes in home and sometimes out. The one who greeted me would be my family's rottweiler and our maid. The dogs don't even greeted me. Although I never hit or slap them, they always barked at me. -_-

If only I could be the real "me". Sometimes I think I am living my life trying to act nice so people won't avoid me, so they can accept me. Like I ever said before, when I was little I'm imprisoned with the title of :"good person". As far as I remember, I often did what people expecting me to be. Now, I don't really know whether I am a good person or not.

If only I could . . . *deep sigh* . . .

Anyway, I am really grateful of myself for sparing some time writing all of those moments. Hahaha. #soproud I bet I will be laughing on the floor when I saw the post ten years later. Bruakakkaakak!!  

Talking about this blog, actually I made it personally, VIPly, just for me alone. XD

But... things gone out of control. Brukakak. LOL. *exaggerating*

It's me who started to promote this blog by putting my "RETURN" story and post the link to my first reader: Cassiopeia. Then, there's Alien who accidentally(?) see the link and open it. I was embarrassed of the fact that there's someone who read my blog. XD When Alien said he read all of the entries on my blog, I was "HAH?! OAO!!" I was speechless for some moment. Because. . . someone knew my secret! I don't think Cassiopeia will read any of my other entries, so I don't really shy. But Alien read all (maybe) of it so I ... speechless. 

Then one day, I moved to Alien's front table. We did some talking with his table-mate, GrizzlyBear and Mayo. At some moment, Alien said something about blog. It made GrizzlyBear curious and asked me what is my blog's link. At first, I hesitate. Should I tell him or not? Thinking that he wasn't the type to really look over some new site, I gave him the link. When I got home, I immediately turn on my computer and open my blog. There, I edited most of the post. -_- 

Day by day past. 

Another day, when the bell rang, I was about to exit the class when I saw few people gathered around. Curious, I walked near them. Then . . . 

AliceOlice. 

"OHMYGOD."

This is unbelievable.

"OHMYGOD."

Then I immediately went out of the classroom and rest my uneasy feeling for a moment. I really couldn't believe that sight, when some people gathered around reading my blog. I re-entered the class and re-exit the class finding that I couldn't face them now. I immediately went home without waiting my other friend. Coming back home, I once again edited my post. Because I knew, that my previous writing contained some bad-mouth thing. I did some erasing, and replacing the real name with nickname. That night, I saw GrizzlyBear update his blackberry status to : aliceolice.blogspot.com WOW! Of course, I am so embarrassed. Moreover, due to the fact that I didn't erase my bad gossip about particular person. FIUH. I am also afraid of that particular person would see and read my blog. That would make things worse. And to think that would soon happening, I worried a lot. Therefore, I re-edit all of my post. -.,- Fortunately, I didn't really worried again after doing some chat with my friend. Hahaha

Honestly, after GrizzlyBear read my blog. I could feel and saw the booming, the exploding hits on my blog. From only ten+ pageviews, it became 100+ pageviews for a day. Isn't that something? . . . A lot of peoples read my secret. :\ 

Fortunately, some of them didn't complain to me. Ha ha ha. I felt relieved. 

Although, there're more than one person read this blog, I didn't feel too worried again. In fact, I am happy. LOL.

I'd like to write the biggest greeting on this post: 

THANK YOU for reading my weird writing. 

THANK YOU for not complaining too much about my bad-gossip. 

THANK YOU for not making me too uneasy and burdensome. 

THANK YOU for opening this blog. :D

and 

SORRY for . . . what i should feel sorry about.

Actually, I don't really understand why I write all about these things. LOL. Maybe just to fill the emptiness on this blog during the exam week. :D